Evan Almighty: How the Mighty Have Fallen (Review)

...I was chillaxin' earlier today and out of the blue, I decided to go and check out a film...as it turns out the only thing that was coming up in the next half hour in the theater down the street was Evan Almighty....I've seen Bruce Almighty with Jim Carrey and Morgan Freeman already...I had a couple of laughs back when I saw it...so I figured, what the fuck...

















...As the story maintains, Evan Baxter (Steve Carell), the foil/ news anchor from the first film, makes the jump from the news chair to a seat in Congress which precipitates in a move from Buffalo, NY to Northern Virginia with his family in tow...Once he gets to said City on the Hill, he gets a message from God (Morgan Freeman reprises his role as the Man upstairs) and is instructed to build an ark before an impending, planet-cleansing flood washes over everything (even a date is given)...initially the eye-rolling, clean-shaven germophobe ignores the call from above but eventually gets the zap on his dome and acquiesces, politics, family and C-Span be dammed...laughs are right around the bend on the road to Damascus...or are they?
















...note to self: when it takes this long for a sequel to a film premise to come forth, there's usually a reason for it...even in this town there's an unwritten statute of limitations...and not even bon mots from Wanda Sykes, fake beards or John Goodman's man-boobs can keep this travesty of a hoax of a sham afloat...I must admit, I chuckled at a couple of the gags in there but the beer buzz wore off quick when the shots-at-the-crotch and duck dick jokes (not a typo) really started to flow in earnest...I don't know when this was shot but there's so much that could've been done with this film that wasn't...it's an according to Hoyle schlock-fest, a family-film geared for mouth-breathing suburbanites (like the lot sitting behind me in the theater earlier), watered down with a save the environmental message that reeks of the big "Ka- Ching-Factor" for all involved...what the fuck was Lauren Graham thinking? I spoke to her a couple of years ago, she's way smarter than this and surely Freeman was slumming when he signed on for this, the antithesis of everything the first funny installation was...I'm not a betting man..and there's no such thing as a "sure thing" oh wait, there is: I'm sure you'll feel robbed if you go see this...to be honest, the 8 bucks I spent were the only thing keeping me from walking out halfway through and going to type this up earlier...I did it so you don't have to but if you're a sucker for punishment, you can wait for the DVD...trust me...well, ok, don't trust me...watch this trailer...and it looked so promising when first saw it months ago...